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Few men are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change the world which yields most painfully to change. Robert F. Kennedy, Speech at the University of Capetown, South Africa, Day of Affirmation, 6 June 1966
Dec. 8, 2009
The Act of Charity
Some time ago, a friend had sorted through her children’s clothes and gave me a bag full of what her children could no longer wear. I felt grateful because my baby needed clothes and money was quite tight.
About an hour later, my friend and I began watching television and were talking over coffee when she told me that if I decided I didn’t want the clothes or couldn’t use them, she didn’t want me to sell them or give them away.
“So you want them back?” I asked.
“No, I gave them to you; I just don’t want you selling them,” she said.
I was dumbfounded. If she didn’t want them returned, why would she say such a thing to me? I had visited consignment and baby shops that would give you credit for clothes and toys, so you could buy new items you needed, but I wasn’t someone going out selling stuff for the sake of raising cash.
“So you want the clothes returned when my son can no longer wear them?” I asked.
“No, they’re for you; as I said, I just don’t want you to sell the stuff if you’re not going to use it,” she added.
“Well, then maybe I should let you hold onto them in case you need them or want to sell them,” I told her.
“I don’t need them and your baby could use them,” she said.
At this point, I no longer wanted anything she gave me and wanted to leave, but despite how insulted and hurt I felt, I chose to stay another 30 minutes before leaving with my baby.
I began thinking about that encounter a few days ago as I watched news stories about giving to the needy during the holidays. This season of giving can bring out the funky and the freaky in some people when it comes to the act of charity.
For the longest time, I assumed the word meant giving to organizations and agencies or an organization or agency that aided people in need, but a closer definition of the word indicates charity is the act of helping people in need.
I get a warm feeling reading about or seeing news features about the generosity of others. Some examples include the U.S. Marine Corps’ Toys for Tots program or the Christmas Spirit Foundation’s Trees for Troops program.
And as I thought about these large-
Perhaps, a family member has given money to help with bills or opened up his or her home. Charitable actions can be as simple as listening to someone who has some stressful or difficult situation occurring in his or her life.
Such actions certainly are important, but if you give with a scrooge spirit, you can spoil or deaden the act or charity and eliminate nearly any appreciation for your actions. With this in mind, here are five things you shouldn’t do when giving:
1. Constantly remind the person, persons or group what you did for them.
2. Give gifts or money to someone as a present, and then request the items be returned if the person or persons happen to disagree with you during a conversation.
3. Brag to people in your community, at work or in your church, synagogue or temple, about what you gave someone as well as discuss that person’s specific situation.
4. Give to someone and belittle or judge the person because he or she was unable to help him or herself.
5. Give to someone with the intention of manipulating the person for your own benefit.
After all, true generosity, we learn, means giving with no special conditions as well as giving because we are able to see someone else’s needs without prejudice or judgment, so those in need can maintain a sense of dignity.
Bobbie Whitehead
